Bullying: A Real Threat

Today I want you to consider the topic of school violence.

It seems that for years educators and parents alike have been working to create safe schools for our kids. And in today’s global classroom, full of so many different types of students, tolerance is all the more important to teach.

However, in the past dozen years or so, it seems that there have been more and more national tragedies about students being bullied and harassed at school to the point of being killed, killing themselves or killing others. Horrific tragedies like Columbine and Virginia Tech are just a couple which illustrate this massive problem in our schools.

School violence is not exclusive to an urban setting; it can be in our small schools and rural settings as well. Anywhere a student does not feel safe going to school is a possible place where tragedy could strike. A sense of security is one of the top needs of healthy people, right next to food and shelter. Schools should be a place where our kids can be in peace and emotionally secure.

In the school where I teach we have many assemblies and other programs teaching tolerance and how a student can take control of a negative situation in a positive way. I feel if any of these programs help one student to stop bullying, or one student who is being bullied, then it was worth the time and effort. It is imperative that we teach our kids how to deal with bullying.

In “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” author Robert Fulghum writes:

Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

The school years are the most developmental of our years in becoming the person that we will be as an adult. Our roots go down, as Fulghum writes, and the rest of us grows up. How we grow and how our roots keep us together depends on the experiences that we encounter along the way. This may be why so many of these situations seem to elevate tragically in the higher levels of education. The roots are being ripped from an early age and eventually it all comes to a head.

Bullying or feeling like an outcast can be the primary ingredient to many of these tragedies. Years ago, many of us could say that bullying was some harsh words or stealing lunch money, but it was never anything too serious and just a normal part of school. However, in today's day and age, the real issue of bullying has been brought to light.

Of course, there are different types of bullying. There is the age-old category of stealing lunch money and being very direct, as we might see in movies. However, there are other forms of bullying. For example, female bullying has a tendency to be much sneakier in approach.

Some people are not aware of the kind of emotional damage that girls can do to each other. Female bullying includes whispering, “accidentally” pushing into people in the hall, giving icy looks and many kinds of passive aggressive behaviors, which adults might not pick up on.

There is also the added danger of the Internet now. The Internet, and therein Facebook and Myspace, as well as cell phones, have made bullying easier and more widespread. Instead of calling a house phone or confronting a kid in school, bullies can text, e-mail, instant message or post nasty messages in anonymity on their victim's Facebook wall. The target has no one to confront or face, just a message on a screen. 

Many adults who were bullied when they were in school will say as adults that they may not remember exact circumstances of the bullying, but they will always remember how that person or people made them feel.

Some quick tips for parents:

• Remember, any child can be a bully or a bully's victim.  

• Be aware of your child's electronic use.

• Educate tolerance of different cultures.

• Insist that your child apologize if they are doing the bullying. It will send the message that you, the parent, is in control and will not tolerate that behavior.

• Encourage your child – and your whole family – to get involved in school or community activities advocating tolerance.

Address the situation in an appropriate way, i.e., talk to the other parent, teacher, principal, etc. Do not let yourself respond to another child's behavior in an aggressive way. Don’t forget, you are still the adult.

Parents' homework assignment this week:

I want you to take a few moments and think sincerely about your years in school, especially middle and high school. Since you are doing this for yourself, answer honestly:

Have you ever bullied someone?

If yes, why did you do it, and would you ever consider apologizing to that person if given the chance?

Have you ever been bullied? How did you deal with the situation? Was it in a positive way?