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Community Corner

The Importance of Failing

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

This very famous quote bears the importance of analyzing. If at first we do not succeed at something, then we must have failed in some way. The quote then tells us to continue trying so that we can achieve the feeling of success after hard work. This might also connect to the ever cliched saying “practice makes perfect.” It is just as important to experience failure as it is to experience success.

I bring this up because I wonder if, in today's world, we do not appreciate the value of not coming in first every time. I often see in schools and community, the idea that everyone is a “winner”. We see whole teams or classes receiving awards so that no one is left out or sometimes we might even see award ceremonies being taken away altogether because they do not acknowledge every child.

Teachers are even receiving growing pressure to not allow students a failing grade, and if a student does fail, then it is the fault of the teacher and not the student. Some states and districts are even eliminating scholars programs for academics and the arts.

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It is a growing epidemic that our society is seeing honors and all-stars as unfair or unnecessary. The phrase “that's so unfair” is thrown around very casually by children and adults alike. The meaning of the word fair might be up for debate, but I feel that it means that every person gets what they need or deserve, not that everyone is given the same thing.

I wonder if we feel so afraid of the word 'fail' because it might damage the self worth of the child. The word 'fail' may not be “politically correct,” but it is a part of real life and it is something that we all must learn to deal with. I question if it is possible to appreciate a success when you have not also experienced the hard feelings of failure? Of course we want to celebrate the large and small successes of our children, but I think as parents it is important to create a supportive climate everyday in our homes.

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I know for myself, I have always excelled in music and not so much in the sports arena. However, I always found a way to participate in sports just as much as music.

In music, I received awards, was a top chair in the band and part of honors groups. In sports, I was never a starter, but my parents came to games or meets and drove me to and from practices and never made me feel like I was wasting time by trying. They supported me just as much whether I was playing in a state honors band or playing a few minutes of a game. I was able to appreciate all the hard work that went into each of these extra curricular activities and the varying levels of moments of success in each one still makes me proud.

As adults, we know that as our children grow and enter the "real world," there is no escape or sheltering them from failure. As parents, it is important to take failing moments and nurture them so that our children can learn and grow. We should encourage them to take ownership in the failing situation so that they can work to solve the problem and make improvements. It will let any successes, big or small, be that much more to celebrate and appreciate in the long run if they know that they earned it.

Parenting Pointers

  • Allow your child to speak freely about failing situations.
  • Acknowledge their feelings and allow them to make decisions about what they want to achieve.
  • Whether it is a sport, class or the arts, have your child make realistic goals.
  • Remember that sometimes frustration is a key ingredient in achieving success, but your support is also a key ingredient to help them through the frustration.
  • Talk to them about the importance of not giving up and working hard.

Failing moments in our life are moments that define who we are as people. They build character and allow ourselves and our children to learn perseverance, determination and self-respect. Those words look nice on posters that are framed and hung around offices, schools and our homes, but if our children never get a chance to feel those words, they will never appreciate all they have been able to achieve.

Parent's Homework

Celebrate your child's success this week. Find at least one moment to do something special with your child to let them know that you are proud of the play they made in sports, the C+ they worked hard for in English or the piece of art work they labored over for hours and that they should be proud, too.

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