Gold Medal Parents

Like millions of other people around the globe, I have been watching the Olympics. Kind of. I have been watching the highlights on the news and the other morning they were interviewing the parents of the gold-winning gymnasts. Matt Lauer must have read my mind because he asked them how hard they push their kids to train. One dad said something that I wish more parents would do. He said, “Listen to your kids, this has to be their dream and they have to be the ones that want it.”

Over the years my kids have been involved in countless sports and activities and it always amazed and saddened me how rabid some parents can be about their kid being the next Michael Jordan or Derek Jeter. I have seen kids berated and parents lose control of their emotions over a game. That’s right, I went there…it’s a game.

When my oldest was in elementary school she played soccer, every Saturday morning we stood on the sidelines and cheered her and all the players on. It was obvious to us that she was never going to school on a soccer scholarship, but as long as she enjoyed it, we went.

Not everyone shared my approach. There were some parents that yelled with such animosity that sometimes I would park my car at the edge of the field and sit in it so I didn’t have to hear the barbs they screamed. When she was older we saw a parent get into a softball coach’s face and scream because his kid was benched. Even in 4th grade, this dad was convinced his daughter was going to school on a sports scholarship and how dare anyone hold his prodigy back.

Let’s think about the kids that did make it as athletes; did you see Michael Phelps's mama start throwing a hissy fit when he came in fourth place for his first race? What about Jordyn Wieber’s parents–did they chastise her for letting Gabby Douglas knock her from the top spot? Not only did no one see it, but I bet it didn’t happen off camera either.

If you want to see an example of parents abusing their kids in the attempt to push them further in an activity, watch the reality show Dance Moms. I have to admit my daughter and I watch it with a morbid fascination. I have been bringing my youngest to dance classes for years and have never witnessed such appalling parenting. The owner of the dance studio yells at the kids, she humiliates and belittles them, all to win yet another cheesy competition. What makes it worse is that the parents allow her to do it. They stand back and watch her, and if they do speak up, they get a dose of Miss Abby’s wrath.

Reality shows are carefully edited to make scenes look more drastic, but in what kind of context could those comments ever be constructive, let alone not hurtful? I can’t decide if those parents do it so they can remain on TV or if they somehow believe this method of teaching will create Broadway-bound stars one day. Maybe, but I hope they earn enough to pay for the years of therapy it will take to undo the damage.

One good thing that comes out of watching shows like that, I feel like a great parent. My mantra is I can’t want it more than my kids, whether it’s a sport, dance or even a choice of college, I will be supportive and help them along the way….but it has to be their dream, not mine.