Just Say No!

I was in the grocery store, in line at the deli counter when I noticed a mom with a 4- or 5-year-old child. The kid got my attention because of the ruckus he was creating. He was destroying the display of pita breads and instead of telling him to stop, his mom was saying “Theodore, I know you’re having fun, but I think the store manager likes his display better the way it was.” So the precious child immediately agreed with his mom and picked up the mess….NOT! He carried on tossing the bread everywhere and his mom picked up the mess and scurried away.

Later in the store, I encountered them again, this time darling Theo was laying on the floor screaming as Mommy tried to reason with him that he did not need the giant chocolate bar. By the time I saw them at the checkout, the giant candy bar was in the cart, no doubt accompanied by other things Theo had to have.

I wish I could say this is the only time I have witnessed this kind of scene, I’m sure you have, too. What puzzles me is when did we decide we should not say “no” to our kids?  I don’t know about you, but too many times when I have been out to dinner, I have seen kids running around the restaurant while their parents plead with them to sit down. When I was a kid, I would have been told to sit down or I would have been taken out to wait in the car!

I heard the word “no” a lot when I was growing up. It didn’t traumatize me or damage my self esteem. I respected my parents for setting boundaries and I still do. When my husband and I had kids, we told them “no” from time to time and I even used those dirty little words “because I said so!”

Sure there were times they were mad at me about it, but I am the parent, not their best friend and it never lasted. There were occasions I got sick of the word “no” so I changed it up to “What kind of mom would I be if I said yes?” That was actually quite funny; you could see my kids frantically try to think of an answer that would grant them what they wanted!

So who decided that we should rationalize everything and give detailed explanations as to why we are saying “no”? Where are the studies showing that these tactics are successful in raising children to become well adjusted adults? How are these kids adjusting to school? Teachers don’t have the time to explain to little Johnny that he needs to sit down and stop poking Susie with a pencil! Fast forward to when these kids are in jobs and the boss has the nerve to tell them to do something without an explanation as to why…how will they react?

If you are one of those parents that takes the approach above (and if that was you in Stop & Shop, you will be happy to hear I now do Peapod so you won’t read anymore blogs about Theo!), try saying “no” once in a while–you will find it liberating! Your child may rebel against the new regime and use the bombshell “I hate you!” Trust me, they don’t hate you, but they know how to throw a low blow and make your resolve falter. Stay strong and you will end up raising a kid other people will enjoy being around!